How To Deal With Spam

Do you have a problem with SPAM? What are you doing to fight SPAM? The SPAM problem seems to get worse every year. Do you need some better ideas on how to deal with it? Here’s a tasteful solution.

Fried Spam Sandwiches
1 can SPAM® – the original
12 slices multigrain bread
cutting board
sharp knife
ruler
SPAM frying pan
mustard
ketchup
garnish (e.g. parsley, or slices of cucumber)

1. First, discard the garnish
2. Open the can of SPAM, and slide the SPAM out onto a cutting board
3. Using a ruler cut the SPAM into 6.35mm slices
4. Heat the SPAM frying pan to 4.6648 *10² K
5. Place the SPAM slices evenly spaced in the SPAM frying pan*
6. Flip the SPAM over when the surface of the SPAM has undergone 70% of the potential reaction:
   C₁₂H₂₂O₁₁+ heat => 12 C + 11 H₂O
7. Place one slice of bread on a plate
8. Put two perfect slices of SPAM on top of the bread
9. Top the SPAM with mustard or ketchup as desired, or for an extra treat top the SPAM with Branston Pickle
10. Place a second slice of bread on top of the SPAM, and enjoy the SPAM!

*A SPAM frying pan must always be circular

A perfect meal for April First!